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“AITA, because you didn’t tell my parents that the event they missed was my wedding?”

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one… So, I (27, female) have a younger brother, Mike (21, male). He is the definition of a man child and mama’s boy, always complaining and always expecting others to submit to him. Just, overall, an asshole. Since he was born, my parents have made a fuss over him about everything.

He doesn’t have any special needs, and he didn’t have a traumatic birth or anything. He was just… born. And my parents completely rejected me. Especially my mother (50, female). She went from being a loving mother to one of those boy moms people make fun of on the internet. My father (50, male) still showed me love and support, but he was always too cowardly to stand up to my mother and let me win at least once.

The only one who stood up for me was my grandfather (76M), who always pointed out my parents’ nonsense and never liked my brother. I remind him of his late wife, my grandmother, and we have a very special bond, but he lives across the country and I never got to see him much.

Mike knows our mother favors him and likes to rub it in my face. Because of that and his behavior, we have always been at odds. He is spoiled, a brat, and a terrible person. I can’t remember how many times I’ve gotten in trouble for things I did better than him or things he pinned on me. His only talent is his football skills.

He won a scholarship to a good out-of-state college. My parents didn’t spend a dime on my education because apparently my fund had been used to cover expenses after a fire, only for me to find out years later that said money had been given to Mike to buy a car and a house.

At the public university I met Lucas. He was the first person I felt really attracted to there. Of course, I met new people who are now my best friends and thanks to them and Lucas, who was my best friend for years before we got together, I was able to move out of my parents’ house. Now both Lucas and I are well known in our fields and earn very well.

Now to the main topic. Lucas proposed to me a year ago. We are very private people so we didn’t post it on social media or anything and when I told my parents they dismissed it with a “that’s nice” (I’m starting to think they didn’t listen to me at all). We decided to have a beautiful but simple ceremony and reception with our friends and family.

Lucas persuaded me to invite my parents and brother, but they never responded to the invitation. And whenever I came to visit and started talking about my wedding (without mentioning that it was a wedding), my mother always talked about me and about my brother’s successes and wild adventures.

Eventually I got fed up and interrupted my mom to tell her that I wanted to organize an event but the date couldn’t be changed. She told me that they couldn’t attend because my brother had the last game of the season that same day and wanted them to be there.

Of course, this favoritism didn’t surprise me: they missed my ballet recitals, shows, and both my high school and college graduations because of things that involved him. At this point, I wanted to be petty. I told both my parents that missing this event was fine, deliberately concealing the fact that it was my wedding, and didn’t insist further.

A few weeks ago I got married. It was perfect. My family, Lucas’ family and our friends were all there and we had a blast. My grandpa was happy to give me away and it was just perfect.

My relatives asked me several times why my parents weren’t there with us. I was honest and just said that they had to go to my brother’s game and couldn’t come. They gave me a few looks and my grandpa was visibly angry for a while, but other than that nothing strange happened.

After the reception, Lucas and I left for our honeymoon and were phoneless for the entire trip. However, when we returned, we found a storm welcoming us home. I turned on my phone and couldn’t even unlock it before a flood of notifications popped up. Most of them were from my mom and brother.

Mike called me all kinds of names and insults because apparently one of my paternal aunts posted the wedding photos on Facebook and captioned them with a very obvious reference to my parents (especially my mother) for missing the wedding.

The post apparently went viral in my parents’ community and they were publicly pilloried for their mistreatment of me. It also turned out that my grandfather personally visited my parents to shame my father, his son, in a tirade that brought him to tears.

And that seemed to be the turning point for my father, because he was so distraught over missing his only daughter’s wedding and his father’s disapproval that he finally rebelled against my mother and threatened her with divorce if she didn’t make it up to him.

I think this is why my mother would spam my phone with messages that were at first abusive and threatening and then just plain pathetic and full of begging and pity.

Now I’m home with my husband trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Most of my relatives, even those I didn’t invite to the wedding, have contacted me to apologize for what I went through and to claim they had no idea what was happening at home (I can’t blame any of my relatives, they all live with my grandfather on the other side of the country or in another state).

But my mom’s sisters and friends are making fun of me for not telling my mom about the wedding because now she is heartbroken thinking about missing my wedding. Personally, I think she is just saying this to save face but I am not sure. The last messages from my dad and mom seem to be extremely sad and hurt about missing my wedding.

Now my family is divided on three fronts: the majority stands by me, my maternal aunts shame me for hurting my mother’s feelings, and my maternal grandparents insist that I forgive my mother in light of her “atonement.” My best friends tell me not to listen to them. So, AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to the OP:

something strange 87

NTA. You literally got the same wedding invitation as everyone else. Everyone else understood that the event was a) important and b) your wedding.


You handled it like a pro – well done, that stranger from the internet is really proud of you! Now keep doing it like a pro. Cut off contact with the aunts who shame you for hurting your mother’s feelings – she’s been doing that to you your whole life.

Cut off contact with the maternal grandparents who think your mother has “aponized” for her behavior, because that is not the case. Stick with the majority who are on your side. The family and friends who supported you at your wedding and who still support you now. The rest can go to hell.

Remote controlBroccoli

Do stupid things, win stupid prizes. Your parents neglected you your whole life and you just reacted. You invited them over! You told them. They just went on with their day like nothing happened.


I would keep contact with your father open, provided he shows backbone to your mother. You mentioned that he tried to stand up for you, but your mother sounds very domineering. But your mother and brother should be cut off from contact, and I would recommend little to no contact for them. Congratulations on your wedding.

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