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Married couples talk about wedding mishaps

Dear readers: With wedding season just around the corner, I’m reprising my popular 2021 column covering wedding mishaps—all submitted by readers.

Perhaps reading about some of the things that can go wrong at a wedding will inspire people to avoid these pitfalls.

And if these incidents cannot be avoided, couples can try to accept them and laugh about them later.

So take a seat at the “Singles” table – and enjoy!

Dear Amy: My brother got married in our house in front of a bay window with a beautiful view of the Concord River.

In the middle of the ceremony, his stoner friend from high school arrived in a canoe, stumbled ashore, and wobbled up the yard in front of the guests. Hilarious setting!

– I was sober

Dear Amy: My ex-boyfriend invited me to accompany him.

When we got there, it was obvious that he was invited alone as there was no place card for me.

My father once said, “At a wedding, there is always someone who shouldn’t be there.” In this case, it was me!

– Plus one

Dear Amy: My two brothers-in-law offered to be photographers at our wedding.

My sisters had both just had their first children.

There were a few photos of my husband and me, but most of them showed their little darlings.

The other photos showed my husband’s buxom cousin with her revealing cleavage. Sigh.

– Caught

Dear Amy: The first song at my uncle’s second wedding: David Lee Roth’s cover of “Just a Gigolo.”

More: Amy’s favorite prank happens in The Room

More: I agree with your sister. You are a terrible person.

And the bride’s uncle later suffered a heart attack while polka dancing.

– Danced out

Dear Amy: My friend and his date “Sheila” were making out passionately on the dance floor; Sheila later hit on several other (married) guests and told my mom how hot she thought the groom was.

My mom replied, “Yes, that’s my new son-in-law.”

– Good times

Dear Amy: At my wedding, an unsupervised child was running around and ran into a door. He got a nosebleed. The mother went to my father (father of the bride) to demand that the venue’s wedding coordinator be fired for negligence. When my father refused, they stormed out.

(The child was fine, by the way!)

– Still married

Dear Amy: We shared the date we had finally decided on for our wedding with our closest family members before booking vendors.

My parents said, “…but we have tickets to the Notre Dame football game that day.”

We tried other dates, but they all clashed with her football ticket schedule.

We don’t talk anymore.

– Fighting Irish

Dear Amy: I had locked the key in a running limousine outside the church (back in the 80’s) and so needed a phone book and the number of the pastor’s office to desperately try to find a locksmith.

– Excluded

Dear Amy: I was part of a flash mob at the reception. Short story: Another member of the mob couldn’t kick as high as he thought (due to tight suit pants) and ended up kicking the bride in the head. Everyone was fine.

– We have a video!

Dear Amy: In my twenties, I was at a friend’s wedding. A few of us had rented a room together. I woke up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache and drank a glass of water.

It was a best man’s contact lens solution – and his lenses.

– The taste buds are 20/20

Dear Amy: Our rabbi thought our wedding would be at 6 p.m., but it was actually noon. Luckily, one of our guests found a substitute rabbi who stopped by to marry us on his way to a funeral he was officiating.

Our marriage lasted 28 years.

– Luckily it worked

Dear Amy: My college roommate wanted a child-free wedding, but her family made a fuss about not having any children.

During the reception, a niece ran around the room in circles and then vomited on the podium at the front of the room during the meal.

– I won’t have what she has

Dear Amy: The bride’s mother caught my buddy and his companion in an awkward position in the bridal suite (and neither of them were part of the wedding party).

– You can’t forget that

Dear Amy: My best friend’s (drunk) uncle performed his wedding ceremony.

The drunken uncle cleared his throat, took out a page he had torn from the Bible in his hotel room, and began.

– Gideon’s Way

Dear Amy: In the reception line at my wedding, one of the guests said to me, “If I had known you didn’t have a nice dress, I would have lent you mine.”

– Casually dressed

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

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